Seven fictional characters I would like to work in my office

1. Pam Beesley, The Office
2. Jesus, The Bible (Water cooler into wine dispenser. Lobster bake -- I think that fish thing feeding everyone could extend into other various types of seafood. Nice days on every company picnic. And, snow days!)
3. Wash, Firefly
4. Bernard Black, Black Books (Everyone needs an office crazy, and hell, I know there would be a bottle of wine in his desk, just in case Jesus was out sick.)
   
5. Laura Roslin, Battlestar Galactica (She might have to be the boss.)
   
6. Jim Halpert, The Office (Seems obvious, but I think the Jim & Pam duo would make a boring work week exciting. And I cannot get enough of Jell-o gags.)
7. Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Hey, I need an office crush, er... lets make that full blown romance. Cause honestly, would not want one in real life. But fictional work... let's turn off the computers and push everything off the desk in dramatic flourishes. Plus, I bet he would get his paper work done.)

Seven (possibly) irrefutable facts of my life

1. At a concert, I will always be right next to the drunk dancing chick and/or the person waving their cell phone in my face the entire time.
2. When I need a receipt at the gas station on the corner of Woodford and Brighton, it will always be out of paper. If I don't, it will print me one a half foot long.
3. I lose 1 out of every 10 socks I wear. Give or take.
4. At a wedding, I have a high probablity of sitting with the other gay people.
5. Jay and I will disagree about 1 in 5 movies we have seen.
6. At work, the phone will ring when I have just taken a bite of something noisy, like a granola bar.
7. Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry way, way too much.
   

Seven things people have told me I should try because they say I would like it, but really I know they are very, very wrong about me

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Speed Dating
3. Desparate Housewives
4. Wearing more pink
5. The DaVinci Code
6. Wearing high heels
7. Owning a cat
   

300 as homoerotic? A different take from Dan Savage

I went and saw 300. On IMAX. And I liked it more than I thought I would. It was visually interesting, and the music was the kind that makes your heart beat follow it. But I have to admit while watching it -- the gender conscious person I am was not quite settled with the whole of it. And it was not until I read this from Dan Savage's advice column that it all clicked in:

Some feel the film is homophobic; some feel it's a conservative, pro-war piece of agitprop.

Homophobic? It's Ann Coulter on a meth binge.

The Persian army is an armed gay-pride parade, a threat to all things decent and, er, Greek. The king of the Spartans—among the most notorious boy-fuckers in all of ancient history—dismisses Athenian Greeks as weak-willed "philosophers and boy lovers." The Persian emperor? An eight-foot-tall black drag queen—mascara, painted-on eyebrows, pink lip gloss. Emperor RuPaul is positively obsessed with men kneeling in front of him. Why gay up the Persians? So that straight boys in the theater can identify with the Spartan king and his 300 soldiers—all of whom appear to have been recruited from and outfitted by the International Male catalog.

What isn't up for debate is the film's politics. The only times the Persian army doesn't look like a gay-pride parade in hell, it looks like a crowd of madly chanting Islamic militants. And if the Spartan king has to break the Spartan law to defend Spartan freedoms? Well, sometimes a king's gotta do what a king's gotta do. Because, as the queen of Sparta points out, freedom isn't free. And, yes, she uses exactly those words. George Bush is going to blow a load in his pants when he sees this movie.

Ricky Gervais talking about what is really important

Seven of the oddest pieces of dating advice I have ever heard

1. A woman is not a mountain, she can be moved. (That one is from my mom.)
2. If his car cost more than a year of his college education, he might be worth it.
3. His t-shirt was not THAT tight, there is a hint of straight in that.... right?
4. You can't date a painter if you are not pretty. They want to be able to paint like Picasso, not date some weird abstract ugly.
   
5. You just need to get out there. I hear church groups have tons of desparate men. Plus, you know they have to be literate to quote and read that bible.
6. Beware of a guy that smells their hands too much, you never know what they might be up to.
7. If they don't bring you soup when you are sick, they ain't ever gonna hold your hair back.
   

"Batman is an asshole"

Even lame superheroes have feelings too. Check out this from McSweeneys: The Personal Journal of Zan, Male Half of the Wonder Twins by Sean Hewlett.

Here is an excerpt:

January 24

New low today. As Black Lightning and Green Lantern were harassing Aquaman for lame superpower of talking to fish, he responded by saying, "At least I can do more than take the 'form of' an ice ladder!" and stormed out of the room. And he did that air-quote thing when he said "form of." Somehow, that made it much worse.

Yes, I totally stole this poll from Torrey -- but can you blame me?

Seven movies I would have been better off not seeing

1. 16 Blocks
2. Booty Call
3. Date Movie
4. Armageddon (Blogger note: This spot was formerly held by Minority Report, but Mr. Ham reminded me of this load of crap. If this were lists of eight, surely it Minority Report would still be on it.)
   
5. Runaway Bride
6. The Mirror has Two Faces
   
7. Matchpoint (Now some of you might argue that how does this wonder of a movie land on a list with the likes of the others... well quite frankly it was boring. I understand how some parts of it were artistic and wonderfully strung tight with tension. But break it down -- it was painful to watch. Pretty rich people with problems. Snore. Get over it. I wanted to hock all their outfits and fancy toys and send the money to charity and then turn their huge houses and lofts into centers for non-profit groups. Yeah, that is where my lefty heart takes me when I cannot empathize with people that are too beautiful and have too many people to sleep with. This girl ain't swooning for that shit.)
   

The Office quotation quiz

Try out this quiz. It put me to shame -- I did not do as well as I thought. I only scored a 20 -- but I would have gotten another right had I spelled something correctly. And I am Distracto Girl at work today -- and already wishing for season 3 to come out on DVD.

Scranton Style

I have to admit, I sometimes find these made music videos a little predictable and not edited well -- but man, my hats off to this one!