Ramble-rouser

I have never really liked this time of year. I come off the New Year’s high of feeling like the world is mine to conquer and settle into the midwinter blues. And I don’t mean like I am depressed and moping. My blues tent to be just that blue-tinted. I question things. I get restless. I get restless in the fall too – but I feel like more spritely about it – I take action and stir shit up (i.e. send an anonymous love letter to a stranger that works at a bookstore. Which I think may be one of the greatest romantic moves I have ever made.). But this late January – early February funk just makes me antsy. Historically, it’s never been a good time for me, and I will save the sob fest. That is not what I am here to do.

What am I here to do? And maybe there is my grandest question of them all. I am feeling all this creative energy pooling in me and its just latent and wants to rise up and pulse through me. And I want it to be bigger than me in a way. I want partners in creation crime. I just want to make something. Words, yarn, drawing, stitches, quilts, messy, paints, neat, whatever… its just sitting there wanting to be done. Maybe a geek girl zine, a comic book written in poetry, a video game that travels through time and fantasy lands, a podcast about writing and pop culture, make purses with little monsters embroidered on them, quilts with words stitched into them…. I am just so restless. I am not sure if I am ready for all that right now. Maybe this is where I need to pull my prominent P (those MBTI savvy, that was a shout out for you) and just brainstorm and get it all sketched out on paper… then worker bee my way through it when I am in a different space.

I feel like I am split in two. Artist and College Professional. I like them both. But if I had to pick one for a long term – it would be Artist working a shit part time job, with a substantial nest egg to be secure. College Professional would miss all the people, and she really does want to work at a college, helping students figure out who they might just be. But she always envies the person who goes off to do those artistic endeavors and fears she is not brave enough.

So, does any one have a job for me come June? I am just saying…