Iraq

I have never known many people in the military. I have an uncle who went over to Desert Storm, a cousin in the Air Force based in Oaklahoma, and a few other assorted acquaintance friends who are stationed other places in the U.S. I was too young to understand the ramifications of my uncle being in Desert Storm -- him being over there meant that the song "Voices that Care" that all those celebrities did we more special and we had a yellow ribbon on our coats. I am not that close to him, my family is huge. I saw the green night vision bombings, part of me understood, but I didn't fully comprehend it.

And I don't comprehend what is going on now. But in different ways. I get the impact of it, that people are dying, that more and more soldiers are being sent over there. And now, when no one close to me is over there, I am losing it.

Anytime I listen to NPR pieces on Iraq, those messages from soliders saying Merry Christmas to their families that they air during December, news articles... I weep. Sometimes its just a tear, other times its the feel sick to my toes double over cry. I don't understand why this is pushing me to the edge so much. I mean, I am sitting here watching Queer Eye and they are throwing a wedding for a soldier and him wife, and he is leaving 10 days after the wedding, and I am bawling... and yes, they are doing all the sentimental mood music and such --- but I always tear at that --- this is uncontrollable. (and side note, I do admire the way they handled the episode -- they did not do their typical mocking, and at the end for the tips, they gave advice on how to send care packages over. It was a far cry from the patriotism of the mass produced magnetic car stickers capitalizing on it. I felt it was honoring them versus ripping them off) A better piece though to reference is a show I listened to on This American Life (episode 280). There is this documentary called Off to War that chronicles a reserve unit from Arkansas. I did not realize this, but many of the troops over there are reserves -- which are comprised of many middle aged people. Reservists are people who serve on weekends, not in shape like full time military. They want to serve for their country, and give any way they can, so they do their duty on the weekends. Now they are being shipped over and are often undertrained to be over there. Partcially because the trainers have not come across what is happening over there now.
http://times.discovery.com/convergence/offtowar/offtowar.html
http://www.thislife.org/ Episode 280

I know I am not even saying this well, I don't even know how I can begin to. I just have this reaction, this empathic pain that is probably just shallow compared to what the soldiers and their families are going through. Some bleeding heart crying over pain she does not know. But I do. And I don't know why we are over there. I could go into some political rant, but I won't. I just will simply say I don't understand. I don't understand who we are fighting. What we are protecting. Why they are not properly equipped to be over there. What it is like to send someone over there. I keep on saying that. I don't understand, I don't understand. I just feel.