Reasons why I did not write back.

I had not written back to someone in awhile, and I came up with this list -- and I am slightly proud of it.

1. I was trapped under a bookcase. I was reaching for the volume of Things Very Heavy That Would Throw off the Balance of Everything. And what do you know, it did.
2. My roommate's dog ate my homework.
3. I was attacted by an irate mall shopper at work. They whipped me with tinsel. I have intense fear of things shiny now.
4. Fell asleep, a la Rip van Winkle.
5. Ran away with a circus performer named Klaus. I have still not figured out what he does exactly, swords or flames or bendy things.... but oh how I have a weakness for the handlebar mustache.
6. Became a nun. All of that Catholic guilt I was raised with was finally too much, I gave it up years ago, but it came after me with a holy vengance. Plus I look damn fine in a wimple.
7. Egg nog poisoning. Too much eggy. Next time stick with just the nog.
8. Won the part of muggle extra #12 for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Have to practice looking British. They think I am. A little lying on a resume never hurt anyone, right George W?
9. Was locked up in Guantanamo for previous statement.
10. Agent over heard me singing in the car. Starting a mall tour to promote new teen sensation album. The first single out is, "Don't be dumb cause it makes you look pretty."