What happens when you leave me in a car alone for 9 hours

These are the thoughts, opinions (apparently of which I have too many), memories, commentary, etc. I had on my drive from Lima, NY to my beloved Portland, ME.

*McDonald's milkshakes will never taste the way they did when you were a kid.

*A Barenaked Ladies mixed tape is enough to entertain me for quite sometime in the car. I sing so so so much to it. I am a total fool in the car alone. Yes, yes, I don’t need to be in a car alone to be a total fool. Pipe down out there.

*I have a theory about the Weasley family. JK Rowling, or Jo as I like to call her, has said that Harry is not the heir to Gryffindor. I think the Weasleys are. Ok, let’s break it down. Red hair—red color of the house. Pure Blood – could bring the line through. There is this whole King Arthur thing going on with the names of the kids and the dad – might indicate there is some type of royalty going on.

*I found some old mixed tapes in my bedroom. One was just marked “Fun” and it did not lie, good road tunes that made me speed. Especially Beck and the only Joan Osbourne song I like: Right Hand Man. Another tape had the first side of me reciting “The Road Less Traveled” over and over and over again. I think I had to recite it in 10th grade, so I practiced on the tape. What was a little weird about it is that old tapes sometimes give way to what was recorded before it. So there was this ocean relaxation tape under it that would fade in and out. It was almost to artsy for its own good. The other half of the tape and another tape were all songs I taped off the radio. I remember sitting for hours in my bedroom reading or writing and sitting with one hand on the record button just incase a good song came on. Apparently my idea of good has changed drastically over the years. Some of the mix included: Justified and Ancient -- KLF, a Vanessa Williams song, Can’t Cry Hard Enough (three times on one side), Tears in Heaven (five times), etc.

*It was Eric Clapton’s day on the radio, every city was playing him on at least two or three stations in a 10 minute span of each other. Mostly Tears in Heaven, but if I was lucky – it was Wonderful Tonight. Yeah, cheese, but I love that song.

*I may be totally biased, but I have a theory that people who attented Fredonia and loved it have a unique quality: a great sense of adventure and thirst for life. Everyone from hippie to preppie, seems to possess this. I have socialized with a great cross section of people there, and I think that the people who were able to love the place and love the people there all were ready for anything. Totally biased, but hell, there is a reason I call it the Motherland.

*Emoticons annoy me, but I still can’t help using the occasional smiley. It’s a sickness, I know.

*I eat a lot of carrots on road trips. I know they don’t stain your teeth, but I feel like I might smile orange anyway.

*One of the things about kissing that just absolutely melts me: when you or the kissee smile in the middle of it. Because you’re just so happy to be kissing that person or just to be in that moment. You can’t help it, the smile pulls your lips away from the task at hand but bulldogs could not pull you away from the contact of that person’s mouth from yours. It pauses the whole kiss but just makes it that much more honeyed.

*Grandmas can say whatever they want. Especially ones that raised ten kids. And she is totally adorable doing it too. She is mighty feisty in that baking-sweet-no crap kinda way.


I am sure I had many many more thoughts on the road, but this is a sampling. Some of them are not FCC approved. And you know how I hate paperwork.

Poem by Molly Peacock

Afraid

Hell, I'm afraid I'll be afraid of your voice,
that's why I don't call (and because I'd like
to be grown-up about my phone bill, choice
being a signal of adulthood.)! Like
something papery, but stiff, I think
your voice will sound, like the end of a tablet
of paper, no more whiteness or lines set
in sheer availibility. My heart will sink
when I see the gray cardboard backing staring
at me, unblinking, the way I think your voice
will stare, if voices stared, gray and uncaring.
I wish you were here. I'd ask your advice
about whether to call. You'd put your arm
around me and we'd talk, our voices warm,
about whether it would do us any harm.

--Molly Peacock

Awkward!

It has been decided that there is a new device to get yourself out of an uncomfortable situation.

Simply say in a sing-songy voice: "Awkward!" and you are able to break tension and get out of the situation.

When might this be appropriate:
*You trip on the sidewalk and everyone around you is silent
*You go out to dinner with another couple and they proceed to fight in front of you
*Your co-worker wants to show you pictures of their cat, again.
*You just spilled red wine on your boss' white shirt

And so on.

Rules of the Awkward:
1. Use it sparingly. Life is uncomfortable people, but if you yell awkward all the time, you are bound to be on the receiving end more often than not.
2. If you are on the receiving end of an awkward, don't take it personally. Just accept it and move on. Change the topic of conversation, let the proclaimer leave, etc.
3. You must must must say it in the sing-songy tone. Otherwise it is invalid.


Spread the word. You will thank me later.