"Batman is an asshole"

Even lame superheroes have feelings too. Check out this from McSweeneys: The Personal Journal of Zan, Male Half of the Wonder Twins by Sean Hewlett.

Here is an excerpt:

January 24

New low today. As Black Lightning and Green Lantern were harassing Aquaman for lame superpower of talking to fish, he responded by saying, "At least I can do more than take the 'form of' an ice ladder!" and stormed out of the room. And he did that air-quote thing when he said "form of." Somehow, that made it much worse.

Yes, I totally stole this poll from Torrey -- but can you blame me?

Seven movies I would have been better off not seeing

1. 16 Blocks
2. Booty Call
3. Date Movie
4. Armageddon (Blogger note: This spot was formerly held by Minority Report, but Mr. Ham reminded me of this load of crap. If this were lists of eight, surely it Minority Report would still be on it.)
   
5. Runaway Bride
6. The Mirror has Two Faces
   
7. Matchpoint (Now some of you might argue that how does this wonder of a movie land on a list with the likes of the others... well quite frankly it was boring. I understand how some parts of it were artistic and wonderfully strung tight with tension. But break it down -- it was painful to watch. Pretty rich people with problems. Snore. Get over it. I wanted to hock all their outfits and fancy toys and send the money to charity and then turn their huge houses and lofts into centers for non-profit groups. Yeah, that is where my lefty heart takes me when I cannot empathize with people that are too beautiful and have too many people to sleep with. This girl ain't swooning for that shit.)
   

The Office quotation quiz

Try out this quiz. It put me to shame -- I did not do as well as I thought. I only scored a 20 -- but I would have gotten another right had I spelled something correctly. And I am Distracto Girl at work today -- and already wishing for season 3 to come out on DVD.

Scranton Style

I have to admit, I sometimes find these made music videos a little predictable and not edited well -- but man, my hats off to this one!

Seven movies I enjoy Tom Cruise in

1. Magnolia
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

Seven of my favorite quotes from "The Office"

1. Jim: Congratulations Universe. You win.

2. Dwight: Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.

3. Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It’s made from real pine.

4. Dwight: Fear is what it’s all about. You cannot sell while undergoing fear. You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!

5. Michael: Bro’s before ho’s. Why? Because your bro’s are always there for you. They’ve got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho. And you told her that she was the only ho for you and that she was better than all the other ho’s in the world. And then…and then suddenly she’s not your ho no mo’.

6. Pam: Please don't throw garbage at me.

7. Jim: This scented candle, andle, andle … which I found in the mens’ bathroom, room, room … represents the eternal … burning … of competition … or something.
Kevin: It smells like cookies.
Jim: Yes it does. Yes it does, my friend.

How Crayons are made

I remember this video so well as a kid. But I neglected to remember how creepy the old women in the factory were. And the severe editing mistake of the girl using the crayon in the beginning, looking at it and clearly seeing that it was worn, and then at the end, she puts an untouched crayon back in the box. Very fishy. But, still very cool. I think liking this show so much as a kid is what puts me into a trance when I was the Discovery show, How It's Made.

Seven topics I am unlikely to ever make a list of seven of

Seven:

1. Reasons why I like eating olives
2. Things that annoy me about sleeping
3. Reasons why Valentine's Day should be a federal holiday
4. Products I bought from QVC's Doll House power hour
5. People I have killed with a sniper rifle
6. Of my deepest darkest most shameful secrets
7. Words that rhyme with truck

Photo Scavenger Hunt

Because I love to make people do crazy things, I sent my sister a mission for when she went to see her boyfriend in NYC a month ago. Needless to say, the results were awesome. Here is a list of what she had to do and a few pics of the results.

Ideally one or both of you should appear in each picture. However – if the angle is just impossible, its ok. "Express this" items may portray a scene or emotion. And if you get to use props, even better.

• Express this: New York is the best place in the world!
• One of you looking really bored at someplace really cool
• One of you cross dressed
• Express this: One of you farted but does not want to admit it
• One of you sleeping somewhere odd
• Express this: I want to murder that stranger (should be done with an actual stranger in that picture.)
• Dentures
• Something that does not belong in NYC at all
• Express this: I think that stranger is a vampire!
• Someone wearing inappropriate clothing
• Pair of Sex in the City–type shoes
• Five oranges, a banana and two kiwis
• Express this: You lost your winning lottery ticket
• Your name on a sign
• Five pigeons – no more, no less
• An Irish bar/pub that does not start with Mc, Mac, or O
• Express this: I wish I was a dancer on Broadway
• Someone who looks like someone famous
• Express this: I think that stranger is wonderful.
• Twins
• The best place you ate at while you were there
• The tackiest thing you found at a street vendor
• Express this: Rebellion.
• A Red Sox fan – wearing something Red Sox
• Express this: Patriotic
• Foreign tourist taking a photo of something that is not worthy of a photo

If anyone wants a customized scavenger hunt list (and I can't promise that I will not repeat some of the above items, but will include some unique ones), let me know and I will send you one. I love digital cameras!

This Geek moment brought to you by Saucier Enterprises

Thanks to Saucier for this one. I have to say, this IS pretty awesome.


Update: According to Amazon.com a Princess Leia wig is in the top 10 worst Valentine's Day gifts to give. Clearly, they have no idea what they are talking about.

Whedon + The Office = Fangirl drool

Spoilery for funny, not for plot. And the drool, its a serious problem. Its embarrasing.

Seven reasons I adore Mythbusters

1. It's a great blend of creativity and science. Even though their on camera problem solving might be slightly staged, its still great to find out how they get to the answers. They explain science in a non-pretentious way.
2. They are very safety minded. I worry.
   
3. They unabashedly geeks and quite proud of it.
4. Explosions. I think I have always liked the huge explosions but never cared for the sophomoric plots and acting of the action flick genre. Mythbusters gives me the explosions I really crave. And they always add the oomph factor to it to make the explosions bigger and better. Fire good.
5. Kari does not shy away from the manual labor of things. She is slightly girly, but never shies away from getting dirty. You can tell she brings a little of the cupcake factor for the men (or anyone attracted to women that is), but she has the brain muscle to back that up.
6. The people on the show are all about good feedback -- and they congratulate their successes. I know, I had to make science warm and fuzzy somehow.
   
7. I am in love with Adam Savage. So much so that I find myself giggling like I did in Math class with my 8th grade crush. Horn rimmed glasses (oh the glasses!), the occasional Indiana Jones hat, goofy, creative, good with his hands, great smile, adorable freckles, slight fearlessness, funny voices... I swoon.
   

Seven things that just are not funny nor amusing about the February 12 issue of Coffee News

I am sure there are other regions that get Coffee News. The tan legal sized newsletter that is folded in half and found at many various small restaurants and shops. It has horoscopes, local business ads, trivia, odd stories, and the worst jokes that typically run the "My wife said it was either her or fishing. God I miss her"-kind of jokes. Yet, for as horrible as it is, I can't resist grabbing one when I see it. I am just a sucker for any kind of trivia.

1. Before drawing boards were invented, what did everybody go back to?
2. Tag lines are the bumper stickers of the 90's
3. The Cancer Horoscope: It may be a good idea to clean out those items in your fridge that have overstayed their welcome. (And all the Cancers out there just fell asleep)
4. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
5. The Sagittarius horoscope: Someone who admires you will speak up. (Suspicious, right before Valentine's Day. And apparently the Sags are the biggest sad bastards of the lot)
6. Did you hear about the podiatrist who ran for mayor? He was defeated.
7. If nobody measures up, then check your yardstick.
   

Seven odd things from my dream journal

1. Matt R. was a stripper at a bowling alley
2. The clothing store sold garments soaked in blood -- cause it catered to vampires
3. I was kissing Matt Damon with peanut butter on our lips outside the UH staff office
4. We were very hungry and started eating pencil erasers, you know, just to fill the void.
5. I was Rebeeca Roman-Stamos and I had a breast with a blue nipple and I was sleeping with Austin Powers and then I was me again and lecturing Mike Myers on how his movies make me feel inadequate.
6. Then I flash to a party where the DJ is 97 and is sleeping at the board and no one can figure it out so I do.
7. Will Ferrell shakes my hand and tickles my arm.
   

Seven questions I usually want to know about people I know or have just met

1. When were you born?
2. What albums usually make it into heavy rotation when you listen?
3. What are you a geek about?
4. When I snort and laugh, is it annoying you?
5. What new thing can you teach/show me?
6. What book/movie/music recommendation can you give me?
7. Can I trust you?
   

Imitiation of Traci

One of the Stonecoast faculty would have his students do "imitations" of other poet's work. To try on a new style or form... their shoes in essence. I found myself writing this a few weeks ago, and realized it was an imitiation of the Traci Boztenka. (and Traci -- I think I just butchered the hell out of your beautiful Polish name) Traci is this wild wolf woman poet who writes these really primal sensual images that might seem alien to you at first -- but then the familiarity of what she is expressing at hits you later on. And you realized that you really have a little wolf howling away in you after all. So here is my imitation of Traci in very rough form.


You ask me questions.
I put the answers in petals
laid in the grass.
Punctuate with clover blushing
purple and sweet to the bees.
I hope you can read it
with your pebble stoned eyes.
I wait in the tree for you and your axe,
handle worn from your house's hands.
Cut me down. Splinter this home.
Burn it under Mars' eye unblinking in the dark.
This is what I need you to do.
Break this. Burn this.
Bury the ashes in my breast.

Seven places I like to eat at anywhere

1. Zebbs - Rochester, NY -- Its the place that has Chocolate Pespi and good burger-type foods.
2. The Friendly Toast - Portsmouth, NH
3. Northampton Brewery - Northampton, MA
4. Anthony's Bistro - Plattsburgh, NY
5. Chef's Corner Bakery Cafe - Williston, VT
6. Kenney House - Sandown, NH
7. Upper Crust Bake House - Fredonia, NY

Can you tell I am a little hungry this fine Monday work day?

Seven places I like to eat in the Greater Portland area

1. Silly's - Washington Ave, Portland
2. Fajita Grill - Main Street, Westbrook
3. Tandoor - Exchange Street, Portland
4. Ben Kay - Commercial Street, Portland
5. Flatbread Company - Commercial Street, Portland
6. Sebago Brewing -- Any location - Gorham, Portland, South Portland
7. Casa Novello - Main Street, Westbrook
   

Seven small things that can make me happy on the turn of a dime

1. A really good pen. Right now Bic Exact Tips are the bee's knees.
2. Wrapping my cold feet up in a blanket.
3. New episodes of my favorite shows.
4. This one may be deemed predictable by Mr. Ham -- finding out anything Joss related.
5. Laughing my arse off over old stories or even new ones.
6. Having a big chunk of time to read really good books or journals.
7. A great cup of coffee. Or a good beer or glass of wine. Those three are interchangeable I guess.
   

Black Shoe Diary= one of the best things to happen to ninjas since the color black

I have been on a McSweeney's kick lately, and I love the first installment of the Black Shoe Diary so much, that I was gleaming with joy when there was a second one posted today. I applaud you Eric Feezell.

Here is an excerpt:

BLACK SHOE DIARY:THE DAILY MUSINGSOF SHURUKU UMEZAWA: JUNIOR SALESMAN, NINJA

Tuesday, November 7

Sales work is often taxing. From what I have ascertained thus far, average day for salesperson consists of arriving to work 15 minutes late, talking to clients about "golf" (still have not learned what this is—sales tactic?—must research), strategically availing oneself of copious break time, and generally being a sycophant. I often become embarrassed when I realize that I am among masters. Especially Stan Friedman, who dodges responsibility as skillfully as I dodge detection when sneaking into an enemy fortress.

I sometimes miss the simple days of my past: Assassination, espionage, and inflicting excruciating pain employing pressure-point technique. Alas.

Read them for yourself:
Installment One

Installment Two

Seven great things made by my crafty hands

1. Sling-bags. Carrie has traveled the world with hers -- well at least to Africa and a classy Walmart. And better yet, I ripped off the pattern from Old Navy!
2. Geekillows -- or at least that is what I would like to call them (geek+ pillow= geekillow!)-- for Torrey and Tony. Torrey's was this city landscape with a godzilla like monster eating a car embroidered on it. Tony's had this robot on it with the four commands stitched on it: Dance, Work, Sleep and Destroy.
3. Magic wands for my first staff. Sure, they might have been a little weird, but I loved making them. Some were topped with a campfire or a palm tree.
4. Crocheted blankets. I have made some different ones for other friends, but my favorite one was the Harry Potter one I made for D-Lo.
5. Fake baby shower invite for my friend Adam. He neglected to tell me he was engaged and I got a wedding shower invite. So, I sent him a fake baby shower one titled: Guess who's knocked up?
6. Redfish collage/painting for Adam. I took little pieces of red paper and collaged it into a fish and then painted words he had written onto it. It looks different at night and in day light. It was an unintentional by-product.
7. Crochet hook case for my sister. It was green -- so I think she liked it.
   

Seven observations/thoughts I had while home sick yesterday

1. Most day time commericials are aimed at the sad bastard crowd: baldness, hair removal, weight loss, dating sites, and allergy meds. I am just saying.
2. Does the world really need 5 hours of "Charmed"? Come on TNT! Let it rest!
3. Carrie was very right -- jam on your toast and a little bit of scrambled egg on it is quite nice.
4. I automatically equate ginger ale with being sick -- but in the soothing way.
5. My mother told me once that I was pretty when I had a fever. Thanks mom.
6. I still do not understand how people get hooked into home shopping networks. The hosts are just so irritating. Maybe my cold meds were not strong enough.
7. Having "In the Womb: Animals" on while you are napping can lead to some pretty trippy dreams. I kept on dreaming I was a midwife to some friends who where having puppies.
   

Seven songs that will not leave my mental playlist

1. Poison - BelBivDevoe
2. That Time - Regina Spektor
3. Oh Valencia! - The Decemberists
4. I Wish I Could go Back to College - Avenue Q
5. Float On - Modest Mouse
6. Handbags and Gladrags - Rod Stewart
7. Chocolate - Snow Patrol
   

I dedicate this to Jay Lewis

yeasty \YEE-stee\, adjective:
1. Of, pertaining to, or resembling yeast.
2. Not yet settled or formed; immature or incomplete.
3. Marked by agitation or change.
4. Frothy or trivial; frivolous.
5. Full of vitality; exuberant.

On Dictionary.com, this was the word of the day. I have this as my home page, and its always interesting to see what words pop up. A recent favorite: foofaraw. (And 25 points to the person that can place that word in a TV show over the last 10 years. Without websearch! And go!) Many years ago I made Jay a mix tape -- and in my infinite class and fine tastes, I named it: Still Yeasty After All These Years. It may be my finest contribution to the musical world. Ever.

Seven months I would love to relive

1. July 1996 -- that summer after the first year of college was just filled with good friends hanging out and some minor drama. I just remember it being really fun and spending alot of time at Mendon Ponds. Plus I worked at Lima Rec -- and I always loved that.
   
2. April 1998 -- Fred Fest in junior year. I believe there was an "incident" involving a chinese buffet place.
   
3. July 2005 -- Stonecoast graduation. Hanging out with my writer friends, graduating, living like a leisurely and stressed out college student all over again. Getting to see Jay. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince came out. Kevin and Kelly visited Maine too.
4. May 1999 -- Graduation from Fredonia. Granted it was sad, but hell that week of just being with people that make me laugh and be just zany -- amazing. Plus I do remember just spending alot of time outside basking in the warm Fredonia air. This is also the time I had my friend Carley highlight my hair and I kept on telling her, "Take bigger chunks!" And my graduation pictures ended up with me having almost Barbie-yellow hair.
   
5. April 1999 -- month leading up to the afore mentioned month. I also think I had a massive sprained ankle -- but the bruise was kinda cool. Plus, Fred Fest this year -- I ended up wearing a cereal box on my head for part of it. Also at the party where Brian Lewis obtained THE Goblet.
   
6. July 2004 - 2nd Summer Stonecoast residency. Also good shennanigans with the Dream Team.
   
7. December 1979 -- My 3rd birthday and Christmas. The pictures looked like I loved life like it was my job then. Plus matching nightgowns for me and my doll!
   

Seriously, I am still recovering from geek news after shocks

Joss Whedon has just been added to the esteemed list of guest directors that will be stopping by the offices of Dunder Mifflin this season. (Source: Give Me My Remote)

Harold Ramis (who started my young infatuation with uber-geeks with glasses at a very young age), then J.J. Abrams, the master mind behing shows that are more addictive than crack (hmmm.... except for Felicity). Now Joss!!!! Oh my sweet good god. It is more than this fangirl can handle. Bring it on!

Seven things I have liked about SNL recently

1. The constant Alec Baldwin vs Steve Martin battles. It reminds me of classic SNL and its always refreshing to see those pop up.
2. Dick in a Box. The digital shorts are by far outshining the whole rest of the show.
3. Musical performance by Christine Aguilera. That new song I have already silently admitted was catchy. Her and her dancers were in very tailored black suits. Not only were they very classy, they were pretty damn hot. Even if her hair was still way too big.
4. Amy Poehler. I think that she is just classic -- almost all of her skits get a small titter from me.
5. Andy Samberg. His genius is in the aforementioned digital shorts -- but he is still pretty funny.
6. Justin Timberlake is a funny bastard on this show.
7. The Alec Baldwin carpooling sketch. It was pretty subtle -- but I did like the Celine Dion bit. I hate her just as much and I can just see myself saying that to someone who's life was saved by her as in that sketch. (can you tell I was stretching to get to 7?)
   

Seven words I wish were more a part of my daily vocabulary

1. plenipotentiary: absolute or full, as power
2. bricolage: something made or put together using whatever materials happen to be available
3. skulduggery: dishonorable proceedings; mean dishonesty or trickery
4. galumph: to move along heavily and clumsily.
5. bravura: a showy or brilliant display
6. neophyte: a beginner or novice
7. pettifogger: a person who quibbles over trivia.

And this may just be the year of the seven. Expect more lists of seven. It just seems high enough to not cop out with the top five (or be too much in the top five trend crowd) and just enough below ten so that I am not over burdened with thinking of a whole ten.

One more point for The Decemberists

Could this band be more my style?! They have an embroidery kit!!!!

Reasons why I did not write back.

I had not written back to someone in awhile, and I came up with this list -- and I am slightly proud of it.

1. I was trapped under a bookcase. I was reaching for the volume of Things Very Heavy That Would Throw off the Balance of Everything. And what do you know, it did.
2. My roommate's dog ate my homework.
3. I was attacted by an irate mall shopper at work. They whipped me with tinsel. I have intense fear of things shiny now.
4. Fell asleep, a la Rip van Winkle.
5. Ran away with a circus performer named Klaus. I have still not figured out what he does exactly, swords or flames or bendy things.... but oh how I have a weakness for the handlebar mustache.
6. Became a nun. All of that Catholic guilt I was raised with was finally too much, I gave it up years ago, but it came after me with a holy vengance. Plus I look damn fine in a wimple.
7. Egg nog poisoning. Too much eggy. Next time stick with just the nog.
8. Won the part of muggle extra #12 for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Have to practice looking British. They think I am. A little lying on a resume never hurt anyone, right George W?
9. Was locked up in Guantanamo for previous statement.
10. Agent over heard me singing in the car. Starting a mall tour to promote new teen sensation album. The first single out is, "Don't be dumb cause it makes you look pretty."

The best of Craigslist

Here is the whole list, but here are a sampling of my favorites:

I'm your Assistant, Not an Ass
...I am here to help you, I even enjoy helping you, but I will not put a roll of tape on the dispenser for you. Don’t tell me that you don’t know how, I know you do. I mean seriously, you have a Nobel Prize—work it out.


THANKS Jennifer
...You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your little "love bites". It just so happened that at that EXACT moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can dress him any way you want. Go nuts and buy him a leash and some vinyl attire or a cute little dress while your at it.


Open letter to sappy couples....
...Because I'm pretty sure that love doesn't protect my fingers from gouging out your puppy-dog eyes

Anyone ever been caught...
... it was like she didn't just catch me throttling myself with a mask and snorkel on. The rest of the evening went as normal. We had baked chicken and green beans for dinner, and then watched the simpsons.

To My Sexually Satisfied Neighbour.
...I'm looking forward to the next month of night shifts as it means I will be able to once again sleep in my own bed without the lusty sound effects intruding on my zzzzz's and making me painfully aware of my current monkish state. I might even volunteer for a second month of nights in the hope that you and Oh Baby will have gotten past this wildly exuberant intoxicating infatuation phase to something less hectic, more heart based and designed for long term love. Don't get me wrong, I want you to continue having wild passionate sex: just something more conducive to living beside neighbours who are not deaf.

Best word I have heard in a long time.

olla podrida \ol-uh-puh-DREE-duh; oy-uh-\, noun;
plural olla podridas /-DREE-duhz/ or ollas podridas:
1. A stew of highly seasoned meat and vegetables.
2. A mixture; a hodgepodge.

The Coolest 8 Year Old In The World Talks About O'Reilly

How can you argue with that passion?

Another outstanding email from Edward Gleason

This guy is the number one person I have gotten emails from that I have never met and really want to meet. He does these emails and newsletters from the USM planetarium. Here he is commenting on the unnaturally warm weather we had on the last day of November.

You're welcome

That is in response to the innumerable "thank you's!" we expect to receive for today's weather.

You're currently experiencing the last few drops of our "Essence of August" potion that we mixed up last night in our underground cauldrons.

Please attach thank you notes to roses, $10 bills, or bottles of CHATEAU MOUTON ROTHSCHILD 2000 and toss them down our stairwell.

We would hate to be so distraught over the lack of gratitude that we'd be forced to crack open a case of "Outage of February" potion sometime, um, tomorrow....

Hint.

Confrontation - How I Met Your Mother

Oh my word, I nearly did the little fan girl squeal. Yeah, its that bad kids.

My Radio Play List

Here is what I played this morning on WCLZ:

Colin Hay - Overkill
Modest Mouse - Float On
The Decemberists - Red Right Ankle
Regina Spektor - Fidelity
Barenaked Ladies - For you
Elvis Costello - Veronica
Rufus Wainright - The Origin of Love
Ok Go - Oh lately it's so quiet
Dar Williams - Southern California wants to be western NY
Jenny Lewis w/the Watson Twins - Rise up with Fists!!
The Decemberists - 16 Military Wives

It was a fun experience -- I got to chat a little on the radio and talk. I always like sharing "my" songs with other people. First Portland, now the world!
UPDATE: They sent me a copy of it! If anyone wants to hear it -- both with music and me talking, let me know, I can mail it to you.

Jesus is a tree hugger

This is something I am applauding the Reverend Joel Hunter for. Read on:

from AP: 11/28/06

Christian Coalition pres.-elect leaves

ORLANDO, Fla. - The president-elect of the Christian Coalition of America has declined the job, saying the organization wouldn't let him expand its agenda beyond opposing abortion and gay marriage.

The Rev. Joel Hunter, who was scheduled to take over the socially conservative group in January from Roberta Combs, said he had hoped to focus on issues such as poverty and the environment.

"These are issues that Jesus would want us to care about," said Hunter, a senior pastor at Northland Church in Longwood, Fla.

Hunter announced his decision not to take the job during an organization board meeting Nov. 21. A statement issued by the group said Hunter left because of "differences in philosophy and vision." Hunter said he was not asked to leave.

"They pretty much said, 'These issues are fine, but they're not our issues, that's not our base,'" Hunter said.

His resignation is the latest setback for the once-powerful group.

The Christian Coalition, founded in 1989 by religious broadcaster Pat Robertson, became one of the nation's most powerful conservative groups during the 1990s, but it has faced complaints in recent years about its finances, leadership and plans to veer into nontraditional policy areas. The group claims more than 2 million members.

Rev. Hunter might still be against abortion and gay marriage -- and though I mightly disagree with him -- it's his right to think that. What I think he is doing right is going past that -- wanting to work on the environment and issues of poverty -- that is something many people from different viewpoints can stand behind. And instead of crusading and protesting outside a gay bashing victims death -- why not feed the people that need it. To me as an outsider, that is what Christianity is about. Jesus would love a safe comfortable home with full bellies and clean air outside.

TV Land list of 100 Greatest TV Catchphrases

There is a list for everything. But along with some of those damn clip shows (100 Scariest movies was my favorite -- I got to know them all without being creeped out of my skin), I can't resist a good list. Some of my favorites from the list were:

• "Here it is, your moment of Zen" (Jon Stewart, The Daily Show)
• "Jane, you ignorant slut" (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, Saturday Night Live)
• "The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder, "The X-Files")
• "Suit up!" (Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother)
• "Up your nose with a rubber hose" (Vinnie Barbarino, Welcome Back, Kotter)
• "We are two wild and crazy guys!" (Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, Saturday Night Live)

I thought the list of catchphrases was good, but I thought there were some that I was dissappointed were not on there. Come on, I mean if Paris Hilton's "That's hot" makes it on there (which as a pop culture junkie -- I have never heard before) -- these ones should have made it:

• "Into every generation, a Slayer is born." (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
• "That's what she said." (Michael Scott, The Office)
• "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" (Jan Brady, The Brady Bunch)
• "I was a boozer, a user and a loser." (Jerri Blank, Strangers with Candy)
  

Anyone have others they thought were neglected?

Nothing like a little naughty nature imagery to perk up your work day

This was the poem on my Poetry Daily calendar.


Aubade

As I would free the white almond from the green husk
So would I strip your trappings off,
Beloved.
And fingering the smooth and polished kernel
I should see that in my hands glittered a gem beyond counting.

--Amy Lowell

Rocking the airwaves

Next Wednesday, November 29th, I will be playing a mix of songs from 7am-8am (EST)! I entered to play my mix -- and well I got in! The fools! Needless to say, I have been obsessing about it. I think i finally have it down, but I might change my mind a few more times.

For those of you not in the Portland, Maine area -- you can listen on the web!

Yer mother

If you ever wanted to just try out one episode of How I Met Your Mother -- this would be the one, Slap Bet. I actually laughed out loud. This is a show that I rolled my eyes to at first. I thought it was going to a a Friends rip off -- which I will admit -- it does have some of those moments. But with Alyson Hannigan using her comedic skills to their fullest potential, and our dear little Neil Patrick Harris being a womanizer -- you have to love that -- its comedy gold. Plus, Jason Segal is quickly worming his way into my heart. And, for those Whedon fans, they often use Whedon alumni in the show: Morena Baccarin, Tom Lenk, Alexis Denisof, and Amy Acker have appeared in the show.

Slap Bet, Part 1

Slap Bet, Part 2

It gives other away messages something to aspire to.

Most away messages are lame. Including mine. But this one takes the cake. It comes from my neighbor in black bear country, Emery. He can't claim authorship -- he found it on a raisin hater forum (just think, before the internet, people just sat around hating raisins alone. Now they stand united).

Some time ago there was a place. A place called Hope. And in this place, there was a time. A time called Desire. And in this place at this time someone decided that pieces of chocolate were delicious and decided to put them inside of sugar dough. That was an awesome idea. But then you, the ass-licking, vindictive raisin, got jealous and lonely and decided to be inside of my cookies sometimes too. That was not awesome. In fact, it fucking sucked. You're a chewy, obnoxious, healthy interruption to my cookies.

Links, and I ain't talking sausages..... this time.

Basically, when I travel, I do a little more surfing than usual. I have been collecting all these great links, and why be selfish! This post will be growing as I am trying to remember where I put some of them!

• Nathan Fillion is on MySpace. Oh Cap'n Tightpants!
• The Ripple. For those Happy Hookers out there, aka people who crochet, this is the best link to a ripple pattern I have found. I am deficient when it comes to following patterns, and this one lays it all out there for you.
  
• Six word short stories. Oh my!
• Need book suggestions? Try this site for recommendations based on what you are currently reading.
  
• Reading Jenna Fischer. You will get laid.
• Radio Lab, episode on Time. One of the interesting things about traveling in the car (I have put over 4000 miles on the rental, yeesh!) I scan for public radio all the time. I came across this show last night as I was driving home from a fair. It kinda shook my brain a bit. I think the concept of time is amazing anyway -- so much of life comes down to time and distance anyway. I especially liked the idea of a spice clock. Wake up atin the middle of the night, and can't see a thing? If you have this clock, you can smell cinnamon in the air, and you know its 3am. Smells are assigned to different hours. Very intriguing.
  
• Pitchfork article with Colin Meloy.
  
• Rich Fancher, whoring himself out. Again.
• Dunderball. One of the best Office fansites out there. And did anyone else get the urge to slap coffee out of someone's hands after watching last night's episode? Coffee drinkers, watch your backs.
  

Hotel update.

I am staying at a hotel that is connected with a convention center. I have stayed here before with no other major events going on. And this week, I hit the mother load.

Duh, duh, duh, da-duh! DOG SHOW!

And they are more of the Fleckman variety -- RVs lined up in the parking lot and dogs barking and howling. I saw a woman walking three big moppy looking dogs and she was arguing with them. But in the way you would with a partner: "I swear, if you do this to me again, I am not sure if we are going to be able to communicate. And this time I mean it!!"

I think the scales on me thinking I could own a dog have just tipped the other way.

Politcal songs

I am trying to find political songs that are a little more modern, or fit into these times quite well. And considering I am at work.... funny how things like this seem very important in those stolen moments between TPS reports.... I have not been able to fully explore my catalog of songs. Here are a few that pop out for me:

Empire - Dar Williams
16 Military Wives - The Decemberists
Take it Back - Barenaked Ladies


Any others? Suggestions are welcome!

Update: Hopeful political songs are good too. Because I have severe Decemberists on the brain:
Sons and Daughters - The Decemberists

Vote.

There is still time to become an informed voter. You can't say that you don't know anything about who is running and about referendums and so on. You are here reading this blog, right?

Then google your candidates. Spend some time figuring it out. I am sure you won't even have to research for that long. You know what you want. All you have to do is cast your vote and sway the numbers to your side.

The United States has 100 other countries that have higher voter turnout than it. Does this boil your blood like it does mine? I am just frustrated that in the land of plenty and then some, people don't see any sense of civic duty toward the country that provides more than other countries' citizens can dream of.

There is my two cents. I already cast mine. Maine is a great place to be a voter: as soon as absentee ballots are available you can go in and vote right there. You can also register to vote on the day of election day.

My parents wanted to name me Jennifer, but thought that was too common and went with Sara

Sara may be common, but the last name is not.
I am the only one with my name. I find that refreshing.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

His dad was a goat-herder!

This Rolling Stone article about Steward and Colbert by Maureen Dowd just makes me like them more and more. I see the t-shirts that sat Stewart & Colbert '08. I agree with these guys that its more of a commentary of a sad state we are in than the reality of wanting them to run our country. I think we need people like them to poke at the absurdity of things -- basically to stir shit up. And they do it better than any SNL skit ever did.

An excerpt that I really enjoyed:
But wouldn't, say, a President Obama be harder to make fun of than these guys?

STEWART: Are you kidding?

COLBERT and STEWART in unison: His dad was a goat-herder!

STEWART: I'd rather make fun of somebody who is wearing their humble beginnings on their sleeve than somebody who has created a situation where casualties are involved. So the idea that somehow it's easier now -- it's not. Because right now it is a comic box lined with sadness.

Big Tuna!

Why do guys hate the nickname "big tuna"?

Decemberists - 16 Military Wives


Thank you to Torrey &; Tony for this new lovely addiction.


Update: Great article with Colin Meloy

Dog people theory

I am wondering about dog people. People who have dogs and they are an extension of each other. Nothing against them -- I rather enjoy them -- I am able to enjoy their dog and don't have any of the fuss or muss. And when I say muss I mean poop.

So, I am wondering if its easier for a dog person to fall in love? Is the dog kind of practice for being in a relationship? I am just trying to think about the people I know in relationships that are dog people -- and I am not entirely sure if this theory is foolproof. But sometimes it seems that a lot fo couples or easy to date people are dog people.

I live in a neighborhood where alot of dog people live. Walking dogs, carrying their baggies of poop, clinging to that leash as if the dog is tethered to them through a life line. If you open yourself up to an animal, what does that say about you as a person?

No real answers here, because I am not sure if there are any. Any one have any of their own observations? Dog or not to dog?

WHY?

On the road I stop random places to kill time. Sometimes the Dollar Stores have some hidden treasures in them. This time I came across a rare find.

A pregnancy test.

Texts to amuse

Last night I was at a college fair in NJ. Apparently Maine might as well still be a frozen tundra. And too far, while they hold brouchures for South Carolina and Florida in their hands.

I was threatening to pass out from boredom and I texted some of the finest minds I know to send me something amusing. This is what I received:

• Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
• I saw a 10 foot lobster in Portland and he walked up to me and told me he knew me and I didn't know that I knew any lobsters.
• iTunes now has games.
• Come to our school. Food sucks, we have no parking and you have to drive a half hour to class. (Note: I said none of this)
• Tell them there's lots of places in Maine to hide a body -- that should appeal to a Jersey crowd.
• Picture me running around my apartment naked! Now that is entertainment!
• A picture of an ear (see right)
  

The wedding of the year, 2006.

It was the only wedding I went to this year so I can say that. But it was still pretty awesome. Saying my family got drunk was an understatement.

Let's tell the story in pictures.


My Aunt Kathy and me. She had to be at work at 4:30 in the AM. She did not make it.



The ONLY picture of the bride I got. Hey, she hired someone for that. More aunts and cousins. What you can't see is my aunt's broken hand. Heels and beers don't mix.


My sister and the boyfriend. You will see him later picking her up off the floor. A lot.



My cousin, Nikki, was doing these faces in the background of pictures all night unoticed by others. This was my favorite of all of them.



Uncle Paul's number one goal of the night was to make Samantha dance. Success!


Samantha down.


Samantha up.


Samantha down again.

Unfortunately, I did not get a picture of when she fell down out of the van. That one she flashed us all.

And the end of the story is: My grandmother got so drunk, that she ended up throwing up, and accidentally flushed her false teeth down the toilet.

Movies that I really want to see

I have been binging on Apple Trailers. Its a site that I forget about for a period of time, but then when I rediscover it, I will browse for periods of time that are probably too long -- but I find appropriate when I am stuck in hotels for hours.

• The Motel
• Driving Lessons
• Jesus Camp
• Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
• Fur
• Eragon
• Deliver Us From Evil
  
• The Fountain
• Stranger Than Fiction
• For Your Consideration Inside of everyone there is a pig, an ass and a tiger. You are never sure which one is going to show up.
• The Oh in Ohio
• The Science of Sleep

Observations from the road

1. High schoolers in a certain area of the north east (I am leaving this undisclosed, because it’s irrelevant and I don’t want to piss anyone off) wear more beer t-shirts than I thought existed.
2. The worst t-shirt saying: An awkward morning beats a boring night.
3. I thought Hollister was a high school. Apparently I am wrong, and it’s a clothing line.
4. Because of #3 – I am losing my hip young ness.
5. AirBorne is the best anti-cold medication ever. Just a little tab – to be put in water, not directly in your mouth as I found out the hard way – helps curb many sniffles. I recommend Pink Grapefruit.
6. The new Decemberists album is excellent for driving.
7. Hampton Inn is THE cat’s pajamas. Their beds have created the best not-in-my-own-bed nights sleep that I have ever had.
8. Malls are still boring no matter where you are.
9. I am looking for books to read --- suggestions?
10. Hayden Carruth’s Letters to Jane is an excellent collection of his correspondence with her as she was very ill. He wrote to her not expecting any response, just writing to give her a touchstone to life. Its witty, candid, reflective and I can’t help but love the voyeuristic nature of reading some one’s letters. It feels forbidden – and it makes me wish I could have opened the envelope myself instead of turning the pages in a book. I think I need to explore letter writing more as a medium for my own writing.
11. Emails from friends while I am on the road are appreciated – It’s a little lonely out here sometimes.

Question of the day

monomania \mon-uh-MAY-nee-uh; -nyuh\, noun:
1. Pathological obsession with a single subject or idea.
2. Excessive concentration of interest upon one particular subject or idea.

What could people accuse you of having a monomania about?

On the road again

I have taken to writing down random blurbs when I am eating at restaurants on the road. On the road -- it sounds so glamourous, eh? Not quite the rockstar lifestyle, but it sure is interesting. This is something I wrote a few days ago... I am not sure if I get my point across, but for my readers that really know me, I think they will catch my drift.

This is what it has come down to. Sitting at a Starbucks in Connecticut, sandwiched in between a RiteAid and a Big Y, staring out at the various palette of SUVs that stream on by this little strip mall. Slurping on a Pumpkin Spice latte – which I ask for a medium ---- oh no, ma’am it’s a Grande. What can I say, I needed the caffeine. And pumpkin might just be my downfall. That and dark chocolate and ginger.

At what point does the guilt stop? Over buying something at a chain. Over grabbing that quick fix. Are there lesser evils out there? I avoid Wal-Mart (except when it comes to fabric), McDonalds (except when on I-90), Starbucks (except when I am traveling for work and I am in fear of getting lost and have time to kill between visits). See, everyone has their exceptions to the rules. Forgive me for liking the music at Starbucks. For finding this Pumpkin Spice Latte and that Pumpkin Scone quite tasty.

Is giving out free wireless that financially damaging? I just want to check my email, download new podcasts, feed my blog addiction and make sure that I have not missed anything that major in my world of geek related pop culture. TMobile has this place covered, and those little airwaves cost a pretty penny. It’s just charged air, right? Next thing you know, you will have to pay for radio….


Even this damn spell check changed my “Walmart” to the correct Wal-Mart. Even Microsoft knows what consumers must know. Unfortunately it can’t stop people from saying “Victoria Secrets”. I hate that blasted store, but man its like nails on a chalk board taking that damn “s” and adding it at the end of the other word. Although iPod still goes as a word that is misspelled. Interesting…

How do I avoid being a Yuppie? My dad calls me that and it makes me cringe so much. The things according to him that make me a Yuppie:
*Love of coffee – especially flavored
*Technologically competent.
*Own an iPod
*Have seen many “artsy” movies
*Have a Masters
*“Bleeding Heart” Liberal
*Environmentally aware
*Snub various chain places
*I use a laptop in coffee shops. (guilty, right now.)
*I prefer local breweries to the Buds and Millers of the world.

Which, I am many of those things. I can’t deny it, I am even proud of many of them. Does that make me a yuppie? I counter with this:

Things that I do not make me a yuppie:
*I make my own purses. I do not own any Coach. I think they are the ugliest things I have ever seen.
*I drive a 97 Ford Escort station wagon, and will until it dies.
*I have a Masters degree in poetry and student personnel administration. I am not earning any money there.
*Read Comics
*Own several action figures.
*Have only gotten something dry-cleaned three times in my life. That is like once a decade.
*I wear $9 watches that I lose a lot.
*I like mud.
*Tattoos, two.
*I seldom coordinate.
*I have degrees from two state schools, small ones that are not overly prestigious.
*I genuinely enjoy bowling, mini-golf, and bingo.

I could keep on going. But I honestly fear the yuppie mentality. Wanting something bigger and better, never being content with what you have. When honestly, its enough to have what you have. Yes I would love a new computer. I would love more books. But in terms of big ticket things --- I could care less. The whole car thing I don’t really get. Constantly trading up for the new year, model, feature. It’s a frickin’ car! Honestly, I just would like to earn more to get rid of my loans. I don’t like that hovering over me. It’s for my education, that I worked very hard for and I paid for. Or am trying to pay for. I like my apartment that I share with two other people. I don’t need to constantly upgrade. I think that is what is at the core of a yuppie: Upgrading constantly to keep up with people that are scrambling to do the same thing. If people could just chill out and assess what they have, I think most people would be fairly pleased.

This is an actual word

commodious \kuh-MOH-dee-us\, adjective:
Comfortably or conveniently spacious; roomy; as, a commodious house.

I have the Dictionary.com Word of the Day as my home page. Some times it amazes me what is actually a word. This one sounds made up to me. Like someone was just trying to sell a house and they point to different things and say "This is so spacious and...... commodius!"

Other favorites from past days


small beer \small beer\, noun:
1. Weak beer.
2. Insignificant matters; something of little importance.
adjective:
1. Unimportant; trivial.

tetchy \TECH-ee\, adjective:
Peevish; testy; irritable.

vade mecum \vay-dee-MEE-kuhm; vah-dee-MAY-\, noun:
1. A book for ready reference; a manual; a handbook.
2. A useful thing that one regularly carries about.

sui generis \soo-eye-JEN-ur-us; soo-ee-\, adjective:
Being the only example of its kind; constituting a class of its own; unique.


Now use all of those in a sentence!

I am becoming an old woman.

I am looking at fabric online. I know, I know. But I kind of geeked out over this one:

Sara Recommends

Butter Chicken

This is always a good choice at any Indian restaurant, but I found an easy recipe for it. It makes for great leftovers and freezes well too. I was quite proud of myself for making this.

The Monhegan Pie from Portland Pie

Steak, caramelized onions, green peppers, blend of three cheeses and a garlic sauce make this pizza delectable. The best non-red sauce pie I have ever had.

Barenaked Ladies are Me – Barenaked Ladies

I love this band. They are my band. Everyone has some musical artist they have a weakness for or have stuck through time with them. This is the band for me. This album is different than the standard “One Week” fare that most people associate them with. Its witty (I was a baby when I learned to suck/But you have raised it to an art form) and rocking with “Wind it Up”, it grapples with our world in “Take it Back” and just challenges you listen more closely to lyrics like in “Easy”. You might be led astray by the music, but the words are contradicting the tone of the song. And of course I got the Deluxe Edition from iTunes – which includes the second album Barenaked Ladies are Men, which will not be released until January. The song “Maybe Not” makes me want to be in a relationship just so I can break up to it.

Water

Cheap. Refreshing. And apparently, you need it to live.

Sewing from a pattern you made

Not only do you feel accomplished, but you feel almost as hip as Project Runway without the drama. But also sadly without Tim Gunn. Tell me to make it work!

Veronica Organa?

Very, very interesting.

Office Observation #2

Are lunches sadder in sandwich baggies or some variation of Tupperware?

I think the sandwich baggie. Even if it is a sandwich. Though I think a basic two slices of bread with cheese and your lunchmeat in a Tupperware container is trying to be more than it really is. Like its trying to keep up with the Jones' of last night's leftovers of homemade lasanga. The left overs that are most often brought in are of the pasta variety. Either people eat a lot of pasta OR don't eat it all and you are stuck with it for a few days, or it makes for the best leftover. Tupperware typically houses food that is prepared, rather than slapped together. I think the person with Tupperware 7 times out of 10 has the better lunch.

What is the saddest office lunch you have seen?

Blogger's Note: Yes, I hate that I used the word "baggie" too.

Poem by Kenneth Rexroth and my commentary.

The Love Poems of Marichiko
IV
You ask me what I thought about
Before we were lovers.
The answer is easy.
Before I met you
I didn’t have anything to think about.

-Kenneth Rexroth

Okay, this could be the single jaded person in me – but does this poem seem creepy to any one else? Nothing to think about before the lover. Noooooothing. Not a single thought. Granted, I know damn well as a poet that you can use hyperbole or other devices. But, I still think this is a little weird to me. I think if I met someone, and they were like “Oh darling you are so wonderful. I am so glad you came around because now I can think. At last!” I would tell them to piss off. I think that meeting someone can give you clarity of mind, heighten your senses to see the world in different ways, or even see the world through someone else’s lens. It probably clouds your mind blissfully too. This poem just gives me the creeps.

I think the geek in me just peed a little

I love love Brian K. Vaughn and what he has done with comics. Especially Runaways. I read that whole first "season" of it in one night. He is leaving the title after a few issues. And who is replacing him.... Oh, none other than my compadre, Joss Mother-lovin' Whedon.

Oh Wegmans.... how I miss thee!

I look at Western New York with this weird mix of nostalgia and "get me the hell out of there!" (How do you sum up "get me the hell out of there" in a word... suggestions?) I do consider Portland my home, the place that I feel like I belong. But, I do miss a lot of things about it. I love saying the word "pop". It just makes sense, it feels like home. I will cling to that word no matter how many people cringe. I miss euchre. Anyone in the Portland area that plays it? Zweigles -- lovely hot dogs -- they come in white, too. And they are miles better than these little skinny radioactive red hot dogs out here. Lilac Festival. Parkleigh Pharmacy. Buffalo wings that are more than just Franks Red Hot on them and with bleu cheese -- none of this Ranch dressing hulabaloo. Bakeries with what my aunt calls Jewish rolls -- flaky and light and just barely sweet. WBER on the radio when ever I want! Major influence on most music I am exposed to today and back then. And Wegmans.... I never thought I could love a grocery store as I do that one. The best subs I have ever had are made there. They make really good Chinese food. My friends and I would sometimes have scavenger hunts there. The one in Pittsford you can sit in the cafe area, get a great cup of coffee, and forget you are in a grocery store. Not to mention, they practically have employed every member of my extended family at some point. They consistently make the Forbes top 10 for employers that treat their customers the best in the nation. I should write sonnets to Wegmans. But my poor attempts at iambic pentameter would just come out so.... Shaws. Or for those people still in Western New York -- Big M.

I yoinked this from a fellow Fredonian and pulled out the ones I can relate to.

You know you're from Rochester when....

"Waking up with the Wease" doesn't mean that you have a respiratory infection.

The thought of eating a "garbage plate" makes your mouth water.

The worst four-letter word you could say is "Fuji".

Toronto is about 70 miles away, but it takes four hours to get there.

You know that a "Can of Worms" is not something that you take fishing.

Your baby's first word is "Wegmans".

In a city where it snows at least 90 inches a year, they build a new sports stadium with no roof on it.

It can be 70 degrees one day, below freezing the next, and you think nothing of it.

Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude an Abbott's custard.

You order a white hot and a pop, and the counterman knows what you're talking about.

You know who Vinnie and Angelo are.

You can go to any mall on a Saturday and see at least 5 people you either work with, went to school with or dated.

You awaken from a deep sleep, look at the clock and see that it's 6:00, but you have no idea whether it's AM or PM.

When 12+ inches of snow falls overnight, but you never thought of NOT going to work.

In winter if the temperature hits 45 degrees and the sun comes out, people walk around downtown wearing shades and no jackets.

There are places at the poles that seem to get more sunlight during the winter months than we do.

Wegmans is somewhere to go on a Friday night, for entertainment.

Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.

You think that people from Pennsylvania have an accent.

Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Genny and a bucket of Buffalo wings.

Fly me to the moon

When I was in third grade, I wanted to be an astronaut. Everything I wanted was up on that moon. I themed everything I could in my school work around being in space. We went to DC for a family trip and going to the Air and Space Museum was like walking in one of my dreams. I wanted to go to Space Camp so badly. My parents were never in a position to send me there. It was my pony. I really saw myself floating around in the shuttle, floating M&M's and Tang to another astronaut. Looking at space in a different view. I would lie there in my bedroom, and I could see through my window the stars. It was like I had my own block of sky right there, this one square of sky that belonged to me.

I wonder if I have any dreams as lofty as those were. I gave up on it, because I think as a worldly fourth grader, I realized how hard it was to be an astronaut -- how much science and competitveness was involved. How it was almost like wishing to be President. It was out of grasp. I am not sure what my dream changed to then -- but I do remember I never stopped keeping my head in the sky. I am still there sometimes. There is nothing more satisfying to me than a really good sky. Crisp, clear -- sharp points of light reaching out to be wished on, counted on. One of my favorite skies was one night in Fredonia -- Jay and I had gone for a walk and found ourselves at the ampitheatre. The sky was so clear -- but there were a few huge white billowy clouds. They were illuminated by the moon. They were so white and bright against that black sky. I remember just lying on my back not wanting that sky to go away. Wishing that I could make the sun wait just a little bit longer so I could have it. Time is like that when things are good -- wanting to hold it in your grasp, trying to put the brakes on the rotation of the earth. But we all just keep spinning, your dreams changing with the seasons sometimes. Other ones weather it all. Tough, resilent, staying with you.

Caption Contest

Who can think of the best caption for this picture?

Photo credit to Brian Lewis.

Retro dream.

I have been having alot of vivid dreams lately, but none of them can really be blogged... Shameful the things that have happened to Mike Rowe in my dreams.. uh, yeah. So here is one from the past.


Monday, October 4th, 2004

I had a dream where I was swimming in a pool -- like a high school inside type -- with Ben Stiller -- and we got to talking about Joss Whedon. And he said I would kill to work with him. And I said me too!! and then it cuts over to this film shoot where Joss is directing with Ben and Will Ferrell and this woman who kind of looks like Holly Hunter -- but its still not her. Well the movie is called Wolfenstein and Will Ferrell is playing this mad scientist and Ben is playing his scientist side kick. Then some people start getting murdered. and there is this board full of tiles that has clues on it: spatters of blood, axes, weapons etc. and I am in the movie wearing a cape and then someone else gets murdered and Ben Stiller and I have to grab the correct tile and try to solve it, so we grab a tile with the blood spatters and start running down this crazy hallway and we are being steady camed the whole way through. Then at the end is a catering room. I go in there and try to find water, but there is only booze, and I go thirsty. and then I go to this other room (sans cape) and there are some people -- who look like they would be extras and crew members and we start talking about Joss and what he has worked on. And I was like "oh have you read fray" and "Oh have you heard of common rotation" and so on. Then this guy leans over to me and says "You know Joss likes a critical mind, so if you want to work with him you need to sound smarter then you are coming off right now" and I said "Thanks for the info but you are a jerk." And then there is a cut to scene of Holly Hunterish and will fighting and she is winning and she is in a costume where her skin is painted all white and she has the letters on her chest and she has a blue cape and green hair and she is defeating Will and her costume is kind of disturbing because it outlines her womanness. Then the fight and she wins the formula, but then they end up having sex.

Standing ovation

Useless Ethical Problem #1

If you had a plate of food (the most mouthwatering food to you) appear next to you, from out of nowhere, would you eat it?

What if it was prepackaged?

I like geek myself.

What's the difference between a nerd, a geek, and a dork?

Office observation #1

The last two sips of office coffee always make me shiver and go "uuggghhh". Outside of the office coffee rarely make me do that. But, to its credit, office coffee does perk me up quicker than any other.

Goodbye Planet Pluto

This is an email I got on the USM Listserve from Edward Gleason. He writes the best emails to a list serve ever. Not only do I learn something, but I laugh all the way to the moon and back. I had to share this one!

From the USM Southworth Insanitarium
"Mental hygiene is woefully overrated"


THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT E-MAIL YOU'LL RECEIVE ALL YEAR!!

We have been inundated by a deluge (as opposed to being inundated by a
trickle) of e-mails about two planets, Mars and Pluto.

OH, OOPS!!! I meant to write that we've received numerous e-mails
about one planet, Mars, and also about Pluto, which, as it turns out, is
not a planet at all, but has instead been classified by the
International Astronomical Union as a glorified frozen grapefruit.

But first, to Mars.

Although this assertion will be nearly impossible to believe, sometimes
the Internet can convey incorrect information...
Mars will NOT be at its closest distance to Earth on August 27, 2006.
Moreover, it will NOT appear to be as large as the full Moon.

First of all, Mars was at its closest distance to Earth in 60,000 years
on August 27, 2003. This was the Mars close approach that we hyped
beyond all proportion in an effort to make a profit that we hardly
deserved. And, believe me, if this were to happen this year, we'd be
hyping the event without relent again. (We'd be asking for volunteers
to wear Mars-shaped head gear and dance on
Forest Avenue)

Alas, Mars will be quite far away on August 27 and will hardly be
visible.

Secondly, if you ever look out your window and discover that Mars looks
as large as the Full Moon, the best thing to do is kneel down and pray
to something because our planet is about to take Mars right in the
thorax. Even at its closest approach, Mars looked basically like a
bright red star.



And now, to the
once-was-a-planet-and-now-is-well-we'll-think-of-that-when-the-pubs-open-again-
Pluto.

The International Astronomical Union has been gathered in Prague this
month to settle a few tricky matters. (1) Best colours for the new
robes (2) What to do about that troublesome Harry Potter and (3) Should
Pluto remain a planet.

Considering that the third question -the definition of Pluto- is the
most pressing issue confronting humanity today, the IAU decided to
concentrate their non-tavern hours on it. Initially, somebody proposed
an increase of the planets from 9 to 12. The three extra planets would
have been Ceres, a asteroid about the size of Texas; Charon, the one
satellite of Pluto; and Xena, a distant body found beyond the orbit of
Pluto. Very little is known about this body Xena apart from the back
that it is scantily-clad, speaks with a accent, and is violent at the
slightest provocation.

This idea was scraped because it seemed to be far too lax in its
definition. For instance, if Ceres, which is the size of Texas, could
be a planet then why couldn't, um, we dislodge California from Earth and
classify it as a planet? (Having California as its own planet certainly
would explain a lot.)

Well, finally, the International Astronomical Union opted to reduce
rather than expand....so now we have eight planets in our solar system.

MERCURY, VENUS, EARTH, MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, URANUS, NEPTUNE

Soon, we'll perform a ceremony in which we dispense with all the Pluto
as a Planet Propaganda that we've been pushing on children for years.
Join us later one as we toss it all out into the highway....along, by
the way, with all our Red Sox stuff!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Edward Gleason


check out this part 2: to the email


Well, you see, the dirty little secret of this whole thing is that,
well, we're all really embarrassed by odd little Pluto. None of us
want it in our family. Think of Pluto as being like freaky Uncle
Frank: the one who makes armpit noises for horror-struck prom dates,
tells jokes that could make the upholstery melt and who plays "Yes, We
have No Bananas" on his nose flute at the slightest urging (and in spite
of the ardent pleas of those who'd rather rip their ears off than hear
it again)

So, basically, Pluto is Uncle Frank and finally, after his latest
antics of belting out "Achy-Breaky Heart" at jet-engine volume during
little Melissa's 6th birthday party, is being brought with great haste
down into the fruit cellar.

So, at this very moment, you can hear Pluto's slightly intoxicated and
plaintive cries of "What do you mean I can't sing my song?!" as the
cellar door slams shut with a resounding bang.

Check out just how tiny you really are.

How do you feel now? Thanks to David Clark for these pictures. My mind was blown.

Best fall ever.

Falling. Digger. Tumble. Spill.

Whatever you want to call it, at approximately 6:50 I took the best one I have ever taken. And I am pretty sure I can be so bold to make that statement. Here is the sequence of events:

1. Saucier and I are walking down Exchange behind a trio of very slow older tourists who might have never walked on a brick sidewalk before. Granted, I am not one to talk.

2. Saucier gets impatient and decides to take a shortcut through and alley. I follow.

3. My foot trips on a lip in the sidewalk, thus the momentum begins. I take a few flying steps.

4. My comics and a bag of jam I bought for my mom go flying. This triggers Saucier that something is wrong.

5. First thought: “Oh no, my comics.”

6. Midflight I reach out for Saucier. I am seriously in mid air for at least an hour. Or three seconds. Semantics.

7. Saucier turns around, looks pissed then scared. He thinks someone shoved me and that I am being mugged.

8. Contact with pavement. I scrape the crap out of my right leg. Potential for bruises on the left upper arm, right palm, and left middle finger.

9. I lie on the ground, stunned and shaky. I sit up and look behind me. Behind me is a group of no less than 25 tourists, all in the LLBean variations of the middle age tourist uniform. They are all staring. Not moving, just staring.

10. Begin the hysterical laughter. I wave to them and tell them I am ok. They still stand like cattle.

11. I pick myself up, and examine my fabulous scrapes. And truly, they look tough.

12. Walk to the parking garage, and get in the elevator. Saucier and I are replaying the event over and over again.

13. In the elevator, a wet blanket of a woman walks in. We stop analyzing, but cannot stop laughing. I can’t stand the tension, and I explain to her, “ I just took a big fall and I can’t stop laughing about it.” To which she looks at me stonily, and then when the door opened up, she says “Is the floor I get off on?”

14. Driving away, we see the most boring woman in the world again on the corner of the street and she avoids our gaze, and thus we laugh even harder. She so saw us.

Vampires might be casing this joint

Weird

I have to admit, this one got to me. This is not an animation. Its just your eyes moving it. Damn crazy eyes.

OK Go - Here It Goes Again

If I was only as coordinated as this. OK Go.

Though my favorite song is still "Oh Lately its so Quiet". I want to be all friendly-like with someone to that song. *Wink*

Note worthy - Found Magazine

So, I got a lovely email from the even lovelier Jennie Forbes yesterday. She was reading FOUND II and saw a submission that I sent in. It was a stolen computer poster with some very small fine print on it. I discovered I was in the book when I went to go see Davy Rothbart speak and I bought the second book right before hand. I was looking through it with Becky and I exclaimed, "Holy crap! That's mine!" It was quite a thrilling experience. Since then I have sent in quite a few finds -- and I am keeping my eyes peeled.

Jennie Forbes said this was blog worthy, and indeed she is right.

You are on notice!

Sara Recommends

Man on Fire
Ok, usually the violent, stick dynamite up a guy’s rear kinda movie is not the kind I really like. But tell you what, Man on Fire delivered and then some. I really dug this one way more than I thought I would. It had interesting effects and camera moves. It was intriguing. I was in suspense the whole time – I was yelling at the TV, just trying to ease the tension. I can’t watch those kind of movies by myself – better to watch them with someone who has seen them already so I can talk through it, just to ease my nerves. Plus, that Dakota Fanning just gets right to the snuggle bear portion of your heart while still being unnervingly mature.

16 Military Wives – The Decemberists
Not only is this song catchy, it’s also brilliant. I sometimes feel like there are too many songs that are about love and how fucking wonderful it all is. Bleecchhh. This song is catchy, intelligent, and not formulaic.

Hitting the Northeast Heat Wave with two women from Duke
They just laughed at me. They said it would be just like them getting 3 inches of snow and calling it a blizzard. It don’t care, it was still frickin’ hot.

Brussel Sprouts
I think they get a bad rap. Not only are they odd looking, but they are quite tasty. I think they are the geeks of the vegetable world. And that is not a cool group to begin with!

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach
I am about half way through this, but it is pretty intriguing. I think Six Feet Under whetted my curiosity for what happens after death. This gets more into the nitty gritty. Bodies donated for science research and how that has impacted us. There is even a university that holds a memorial service for its cadavers it uses for their gross anatomy lab. It is respectful and honest and important. Will I donate my body after reading this? Hmm…. I am still skeptical though.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
“I piss excellence.” So, do I need to say more?